Well, I've been to a convention today (Saturday) that I wasn't part of, on purpose-- due to insecurity, and I suspect that I might be out of my depth should I even managed to get in (as an artist, btw-- just to be clear).
It has left me feeling inspired and depressed at the same time.
I'm now inspired to draw and put up my work more-- and perhaps interact more too. I do draw quite a bit lately, but they are just practice and doodle things that I'm embarrassed to put up and I did recently get back into digital painting again. And as for the interaction, I realised that I have to stop shutting people out because of the lack of support from people that do know me in real life and appreciate the people who do look at my things and consider them, eventhough I don't know them (/ that well). Yes, there will always be people that are better-- but there are also people who are like me, and we should support one another.
And I'm depressed... Well, I'm always depressed. So that's not new. I always feel this intense pressure, because almost all my artist friends are more accomplished and I feel like I'm trailing behind. I feel like I could do what they do too, but perhaps not. Until this day, I regret the day I stopped drawing during my late teen years because of depression from being discouraged to pursue art and the end of my friendship with a best friend (now arch- nemesis, at least at my end LOL)-- if I didn't stop, I would've been much further along because I was on a good trajectory, as I remember.
ANYWAY back to the topic, and thus the title-- I'm currently more towards being inspired, and I'm now planning out my next series thing eventhough I'm really tired from being out all day. BUT I'm going to be taking a small break from drawing as my day job, and I don't know where this will take me. I felt like I needed this break to rediscover what I wanted to do with my life and of course, my art-- which I'm determined for it to be a huge part of my life for as long as I'm alive, though possibly not a day job. I thought that going away might reset my brain from all the comparing and pressure that I'm used to experiencing every single day of my life.
... I'm just not sure if it'll ever be that way. Is it all in my head-- a fantasy? Am I being cowardly by going away? What if I was sidetracked, and this in turn leads to abandonment of the first two decades of my life?
I'm just rambling now, and I'm going to stop. Idk if I'm making the right decision-- but I have a very small window open before leaving, and I intend to make the most of it. I'm currently being inspired by Dragon Age btw-- it's one of those things that I love as much as South Park and Gorillaz. XD I hope I can put up more things... And try to interact more too. :')